Thursday, 23 December 2010

Misfits: Episode Two

Nathan: 'I'm not waiting around for Granny Fuck Me to make another appearance.'

In hindsight, it was probably a mistake to let the misfits loose at an OAP's tea-dance. None of them seemed particularly interested in dancing, in fact no one seemed to like pensioners at all; except of course Nathan, who ended up knobbing one of them. True, Ruth didn't look 82, but at least we now know that the misfits weren't the only ones affected by the storm.

As soon as Ruth busted out the sherry glasses I smelled a rat. Sherry's not a young person's drink. And where was her Gran? Out without her Zimmer frame? Upstairs dead? Of course, the walker turned out to be Ruth's, and Ruth turned out to be old enough to be Nathan's grandmother (maybe even his great-grandmother). Nathan's reaction to her changing into an old woman during sex was predictably over the top. I can't say I blame him. Even in an environment where freaky stuff happens all the time, you have to draw the line somewhere.

In many respects, Ruth was a good match for Nathan. She certainly knew how to party. Which only goes to show, you're as old as you feel, and Ruth was clearly young at heart. I think Nathan realised that at the end, but by then it was too late—Ruth was already dead. At least before dying she managed to make Nathan understand how selfish he was being. She knew the isolation of growing old alone. His Mum deserved to be with someone.

I found Ruth's photo album particularly poignant. In it were photos of her as a young girl, before old age and decrepitude had set in. Maybe Nathan couldn't bring himself to kiss her corpse (opting instead for an affectionate ruffle of her hair), but he did look genuinely saddened by her passing. Snubbing her at the tea-dance wasn't his finest hour, but at least he made Ruth's final hours memorable. Those scenes of them shagging on the stair-lift were hilarious. Thora Hird must have been turning in her grave.

Nathan breaking into his Mum's house was an unmitigated disaster. I've never seen anyone so clumsy—there was crockery everywhereyet, in the end, it was all for naught. Nathan's Mum already knew that Jeremy turns into a dog every time he sees a Jack Russell (or at least acts like one). Simon wasn't too far off the mark with werewolf, but I take back what I said last week about Alisha's superpower being the most useless—Jeremy wins hands down. I loved seeing Nathan trying to explain the blurred photo to everyone. (Cock, anus, ball sack.) Nathan could obviously see it all as clear as day. Thank God the rest of us couldn't.

Simon tried to befriend Nathan tonight and was again snubbed. Simon's ability to turn invisible only seems to kick in when he feels invisible himself. Thankfully he put his invisibility to good use tonight—spying on the girls getting changed. Finally someone enjoying their superpower.

Simon also has an admirer. Shygirl18, despite sounding like the moniker of a pervert on the prowl, thinks that his videos are cool. I'm guessing the person behind the name isn't going to be eighteen. Or shy. Maybe not even a girl. It's obvious someone's after Simon, but who and to what end? Is it something to do with Tony's death? The last minute reveal showed Sally spying on the misfits. Was it her who posted the locker messages? Could she also shygirl18?

Other Thoughts:

—Nathan's dancing in the background was hilarious. Actually, great dancing from everyone. Except Simon. Worst robot ever!

—Alisha was almost raped tonight. Out of all the misfits, I can't help but feel she's drawn the short straw, power wise. Can't blame that pensioner for being interested in her 'dusky thighs', though. Alisha's lovely.

—What was going on with Nathan's face when he orgasmed? It was horrific. Mind you, Ruth's wasn't much better.

—Nathan's lying is getting out of control. Not even his own mother believes him. Ruth, likewise, saw right through his bullshit.

—I half expected dead Ruth to suddenly wake up and scare the crap out of Nathan.

—Excellent use of Neil Diamond's 'Come Take My Hand' and Urge Overkill's 'You'll Be a Woman Soon'.

Quotes:

Nathan: 'It's not as if this whole situation is backed up by a wank-load of logic.'

Nathan: 'I'm sure if he was a werewolf he'd be able to open a jar of peanut butter by himself.'

Nathan: 'Okay, Joan, let's pick up some speed here. Let's get that wind flowing through your hair... let's get that wind flowing through your scalp.'

Ruth: 'A naked man with a huge cock just ran past!'

Nathan: 'George Michael gets away with this shit, but he used to be in Wham. Who are you?'

Nathan: 'You complain about my cum face. You should see yours love, it's a shocker.'

Nathan: 'Your boyfriend is some kind of psycho, rough trade, gay, rapist, werewolf.'

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